Why Blog? III - Tomatoes

In spite of all my best efforts at self-destruction, I have been told by others that I somehow managed to be a fairly decent father to my children. Even today, that provides me with some small comfort when I look back on the Federally declared disaster area that my life had been. I guess my main reason for even trying to be a good dad was so my offspring would have it better than I did. I wanted them to be smarter than I was, richer than I was, and healthier than I was.

Most of all, I didn't want to see either of them where I was going.

I guess that is why I broke down and bought the Veggie Tales Silly Songs VHS tape from the Christian book store that was across the hall from the dry cleaners where my wife worked. That, and it was on the bargain table. Whatever. My daughter loved it and that was all the endorsement I ever needed. Slowly, I acquired every title in the Veggie Tales series, first on VHS, then again on DVD, and I have never had a reason to regret it.

My wife and I have both lived by the motto that only a totally unfit parent does not know what their children are watching on TV. So, naturally, I have seen every single Veggie Tales episode over and over again and each one (except for Esther, The Star of Christmas, and An Easter Carol) ends with Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber telling us that "God made us special. And he loves us very much."

Bob the Tomato is voiced by a man named Phil Vischer, who is also the co-founder and CEO of the company that makes the videos. Sometimes on the tapes, but more often on the DVDs, he would come on and talk. Mostly he would talk about upcoming shows, but sometimes about why he started the company and about his faith. That really bugged me.

It bugged me that he was so certain about God's existence, God's love, and God's plan for all of us that I wanted to fast forward through his talking. But I never did. I let him talk because he was talking to my kids, teaching them something I never could have at the time. It didn't take me long to hear that same certainty come through the little CGI tomato at the end of each show. That's when I started to get angry.

I actually wanted to punch a tomato in the face.

About two months before my decision to end my life, I knew why: I was jealous of Bob the Tomato. I wanted his certainty. I wanted his confidence. I wanted to experience the same love he was experiencing and it was making me furious to the point where I almost stopped watching the shows with my kids. I say almost because they had become my children's favorite shows by now and I wanted to cherish each moment I had with them, because I had decided on some level that they would be my last, so I had to watch the shows.

When I had decided to take the final step, I was desperate for someone to stop me. Clever me, for having made sure that my children were at school and my wife was at work. I am not going to flatter myself by saying that I hit rock bottom, but I could definitely see it from my seat on the roller coaster and I was going straight down. The only other thing that I saw, and heard, was a stupid little tomato telling me over and over again that 'God had made me special and He loves me very much.'

Really? He loves me? Even after all the stupid crap I had done, God still loves me?

I had to know, so I went on my knees and asked Him. He answered.

I read somewhere once that sometimes angels have the faces of strangers. Another time I read that they have the faces of kids. Now I know for a fact that sometimes angels have faces of tomatoes.

God bless you, Bob.

Cliff